The subject of sex can be quite controversial, yet exciting. God designed sex in the confines of marriage to be a wonderful experience that promotes communication, love and intimacy. The bible offers very transparent yet different instructions regarding sex for the married and unmarried believer alike.
Traditionally, Christian men are often stereotyped as either unwilling or incapable of maintaining a celibate lifestyle. To set the record straight several professional, God-fearing young adult men were given the opportunity to be completely transparent about celibacy.
There is one thing men (single, dating, engaged or married) have in common: All pick and choose which biblical truths to follow. For example, all of the men interviewed recognized that God encourages us to abstain from sex until marriage. Yet, many believe this expectation was only relevant in biblical days. Living in an era of celebrated sexual liberation, it’s easy to understand how some men fail to think the same standards hold true today. In our discussion, the same individuals who disagreed with sexual promiscuity gave a thumbs-up to the idea of living with a mate outside of marriage. Compellingly enough, a large majority of Christian men equate love and monogamy to marriage. For them, sexual intercourse is permitted within the confines of a "serious" relationship without feeling much spiritual conviction. After all, who wants to get married without first "testing the waters?” While there are “different strokes for different folks” we must not allow personal opinions to distort God's uncompromising standards.
When I asked our young adult gentlemen if celibacy was encouraged when growing up, they all said no. Yet in adulthood, many men are open to abstaining from sex outside of marriage, they just prefer it be kept under wraps. Chris (a Yale graduate) feels “Sexual purity is not a turn off, so long as it's not made into a fetishized badge of honor.”
Many progressive men of God are not hung up on being with the most “experienced” girl on the block. When considering a potential mate, is it more desirable to have a woman who is a sexual novice or pro? One gentleman replied, “Not important, both extremes have their pitfalls: The so-called sexual novice may lack vital relationship experience and the experienced woman may have past hurts which can affect our future.” Another replied, “Although I’d prefer a woman with some sexual experience, I will not discriminate against one that is inexperienced.” The polls show that most are more focused on the character of a potential wife than sex. When asked what qualities they look for in a wife, these traits ranked highest: faith, intellect, a strong sense of empathy, a desire to build a family, understanding, caring, ability to communicate, open mind, mental and financial stability.
All in all it seems the days of women dragging their men into a celibate relationship kicking and screaming are over. In fact, while Terrance (an elementary school teacher in NY) has not yet tried being celibate, he is totally open to the idea if he sees potential in the relationship. Some men are even taking the lead in walking steadfast in God’s will. Bradford (an LA based writer) believes, “It is up to the man to maintain the chastity of the relationship.”
Regardless of one's personal opinion of sex vs. celibacy, we must be willing to get real about what the word of God is saying and carefully examine where our thoughts and actions align with the truth. God’s Love Iz Transparent in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 as it shines a light on some of the glitziest teachings in the Bible concerning the topic at hand. Verse 9 clearly sets forth the will of God: control yourself sexually or get married. Sex outside marriage to “let off pressure,” “just for pleasure” or even as a “trial marriage” is outside the will of God and is therefore sin.
With spring just around the corner, young adults are coming out of hibernation
and ready for a season full of mixing, mingling and turning up the heat!
The subject of sex is so glorified by the world, that those choosing to do
without are seemingly obsolete. However, there are many men (and women) of God acknowledging God’s expectations and striving to live a sold-out life for Christ. Remember, you were created to be in the world, but not of it. The spring is the perfect time to allow your mind to be renewed and transformed by the word of God. Romans 12:2
Pray this prayer with me,
Father God, when it comes to sex or celibacy, I choose YOU. I desire to walk according to your will. Although my flesh can be weak, I surrender it all to you. Fill areas of doubt with your truth. Allow your Holy Spirit to rise up so strong in me, that I will no longer be a prisoner to my flesh. I rebuke the spirit of disobedience designed to keep me outside of your will. Let your word become more relevant than what feels good or most convenient for me. Allow my old ways to be replaced with new spirit-filled choices. Remove anyone from my life not helping me glorify you. Give me the wisdom and discernment to choose Godly relationships from this day forward. Begin placing like-minded individuals around me who will hold me accountable to the standards you have set for my life. I desire to operate with self-control and live a life that is fully pleasing to you. Remove any chains of bondage, low self-esteem, lust, or lies from my spirit. I declare that my body is your temple, and I will continue to seek you in this area of my life. In Jesus name, Amen!
Please also check out this article in IMPACT the Magazine!!! It's a new up and coming magazine for young, progressive adults on fire for Christ!
G.L.I.T.Z- Minister Shea Scott
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