Ok, I want to preface this by saying I am forever thankful and grateful for my job last year as the Executive Assistant to my Pastor and the awesome church God has planted me in in order to help me along my walk with Christ.
After graduating from Howard University's renowned Theater Program and finishing a strenuous 3 year Master's Program for theater, film and TV, I was ready to hit the ground running! - God was saying- Lights! Camera! WAIT!(no agents were intersted, no auditions, NO LOVE!) I felt like there was a giant door labeled Shea's Dreams and Goals that was sealed, wired, nailed, and latched shut. Since God wasn't moving at the speed I had envisioned, I knew He must have been up to something. As most of us react when we aren't getting what we think we should from God, I began seeking Him fervently for my career. While I was spending weeks praying and fasting for answers, God was whispering ever so gently (of course I tried to ignore) for me to acknowledge my call as a Minister at this time and positioning me for my purpose.
I then entered a year of semi-isolation. Consumed by doubts and fears,God held me under his protective and guiding wing. While I became sheltered working in my church office and facing the daily battle of wondering if my desire and passion for being a successful actress and initial reasons for moving to LA had become a mere fantasy... All the while I was quietly striving to be obedient to Gods instruction and gain a deeper understanding of God's purpose in the major turn my life was taking. Not to mention the continuous questioning from family and friends concerning my goals and passion for the amount of time and money I had spent in learning the craft of Acting. Needless to say, after much seeking, crying, closeted chain smoking cigs on my front porch (hey this blog is about transparency remember:) and praying, I was able to understand that my purpose is to simply allow God's light and love to be transparent in my life by using the gifts and talents He has given me in order to bring glory to the Kingdom of God. In spite of all of my questions, confusion, depressed moments, doubt and often times rebellion, God was requiring me to seek Him and yearning for me to delight in Him for the desires of my heart.
Testimony Time: After coming out of graduate school and entering into ministry directly after, although I missed the mark many times, God's grace was sufficient. His plan for my life was still in the making although I could not see it. The Lord begin to show himself as my strong and mighty provider and month after month God made a way out of no way in providing all of my necessities.
Still, I often felt as if God wasn't hearing my prayers. I had actually gotten to the point where I'd begin to think the Lord wanted me to remain working in the church office forever! I was tired of the way my life was looking and how I was feeling-I finally surrendered to God and proclaimed "Ok Lord, obviously you only want me to do do your work, I'll give up acting if you want me to". I'm sure God was laughing at my attempted sacrifice as HE was working behind the scenes on my behalf. While I was busy doing the work He asked me to do, and truly beginning to delight myself in allowing His will to be done in my life- out of the blue an agent invited me to audition for a Taco Bell commercial which I booked right away. This was not my doing at all- God honored HIS word by beginning to show His presence and do things that only He is ABLE to do in life (career and relationship included). This whole time God was teaching me how to truly know what it means to trust in Him. I began learning to walk by faith and lean not to my own understanding! I was reminded that my Father in heaven created me with the desire and talent in my heart for acting, writing etc. for the purpose of glorifying Him.
I encourage you to trust in the Lord even when He is calling/instructing you to move in a way that is beyond your comfort zone and understanding. Rest in knowing that HE has a plan for you. Just continue to stand, relax and let HIM run the show. Even when God takes you through seasons of financial cut backs and lack- you can unleash "G.L.I.T.Z" in your life. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. Psalm 37:25 Stand firm on HIS word and know that no matter what He takes you through you can be assured that He has a plan to prosper you, keep you, and give you the desires of your heart! I am praying for each person that reads this as you continue to seek God for your God-given Purpose.
Word for thought: "Don't be Afraid to Trust God"
We are called according to HIS purpose, not our own. Once God begins to see that you are seeking HIM and HIS will for your life more than your career, money, cars, relationships, power, or ANYTHING other than Him.... I'm praising God with you as he begins to move mountains and give you the desires of your heart according to HIS purpose.
Psalms 37:3-7
3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. 4 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
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